So the other day me and my roommates were driving around the Bar Harbor area trying to find the Bass Harbor Light House and we ran across this little shack with this sign on top of it. It caught our attention and we needed to find someplace to eat so thought "this may be interesting but let's check it out." What we did was make a judgment on the place because of the sign...our judgment was that this place my be a little strange but worth checking out.
This summer my eyes have been opened to how often I judge events, others and myself. Now the judgment on this little shack was, for the most part, harmless...and some judgments are. But often the judgments we place upon others and ourselves are not. Judgment brings separation and loss of relationship with others...and when we judge ourselves it brings guilt (which in my opinion is an unhealthy response to any and all sin for the Christian...more on that later maybe).
So our project director asked us in a staff meeting to answer this question, "If we have an unlimited power source within us because of the Holy Spirit why aren't are lives different...why are they so riddled with sin?" Have you ever asked that question? I know I have. Has judgment on yourself ever followed that question for you? For me judgment always comes after asking that question.
So why doesn't God just zap me and let me overcome the sin that so easily entangles? I mean, I do have the Holy Sprit living inside of me so why don't I see marked change? I wouldn't say I have the answer completely at this point, but one thing that I'm beginning to understand more is that God wants me to live out of my In-ability...not ability. He wants me to be a broken, dependent, and a humble follower. I'm beginning to understand Psalm 51 a little better when the Psalmist says...
"For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."
Paul also encourages us not only to have a broken and contrite heart but to boast in the weaknesses that bring that heart about.
The funny thing is that even though I "know" that God desires me to be broken and live out of my weakness I still live my life as if I believe that God wants perfection from me. I live as though I'm trying to meet the standards of the Law that Paul in Romans says we are completely dead to. And so because I think God still desires for me to keep the Law I judge myself and others all the time... (a good way I check to see if I'm still trying to live up to the Law is to catch myself making "should" statements. Like..."I should have my QT today...I should memorize more scripture...I should like this person more...etc).
To fight this attitude of judgment and to further embrace a heart of brokenness I'm beginning to accept at a heart level that God has designed me to grow through time (by the power of the Holy Spirit) and that He is more glorified when I'm broken and accept his Grace for my brokenness then when I try to live the perfect Christian life through my own strength. I'm also trying to accept the "real" in me and not just live in the "ideal" (I should be more like this..etc). I've also seen how much I need others in the body to give me grace and truth in order to experience grace and truth from God.
I'll end with this...Romans 7:6
"But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve not under the old written code but in the new life of the Spirit."
It's my hope that, through the power of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to experience and live out that verse more every day.
